I don't want this should scare ya*

As the zephyrs gently warm the grounds around the Slagle compound my thoughts drift off to summer. Even though global warming has purportedly made winters milder of late, they still seem insufferably long. I can't wait to string the patio lights, and put the cushions on the chaise. How I long for the delicious smells of fresh cut lawn and barbecued meat, chlorine pools and citronella candles. I eagerly anticipate the sounds of fireworks and bug zappers.

Unfortunately, this romance usually fades as the temperature and humidity climbs. When the season finally arrives, I'm forced indoors by the prodigious amount of mosquitoes that this part of the continent has become accustomed to. It's probably not coincidental that there are several wetland restoration projects in and around my neighborhood.

It's more than a nuisance as well. You read in the paper all the time about mosquito borne Third World diseases like West Nile. According to many reports, even cases malaria are being recorded in the United States. This knowledge makes the flight from the patio more than a dash to the comfortable side of the screen door, it is a literal race for life.

Malaria in the United States is rare today, but not unique. Captain John Smith, whose life was twice spared by Pocahontas, eventually succumbed to malaria. It seems strange that something we call a "tropical" disease existed as far north as Jamestown Virginia. Actually, before WWII, malaria was common here. The government recorded over 120,000 cases in 1934.

We drained the swamps and invented DDT, and by the time I was born, malaria was nearly eradicated in the United States. Since my youth, we banned DDT, renamed the swamps, "Wetlands," and rebuilt them. Since then, malaria has also made a resurgence.

Throughout the environmental cabal it's Global Warming causing the new incidents of malarial infection. Since DDT bans and wetlands restoration were pet causes for the previous generation of enviro-hippies, I'm quite certain that they are looking for any culprit other than themselves.

Fortunately, I don't think it's anything that can't be remedied with a little swamp draining and a couple shakes of DDT. Let's hope we come to our senses, before we regress much further, and give me back my patio.

* Alan Sherman
>

There She Is

If Miss America is crowned, and there's nobody watching, does she still get to fulfill the duties and obligations of the reigning Miss America? Right now, for the first time since 1955, there is no broadcast network willing to air the Miss America pageant this September.
ABC, after only attracting 9.8 million viewers last fall, announced that they will not renew their contract to air the pageant. Everybody has been saying that it is an antiquated format, that "The Miss America Pageant is out-of-touch with the America of the 2000s." I believe that the Miss America pageant has more in common with today's programming than most journalists and television executives would like to admit. Miss America was the first reality show. It was the precedent for modern shows, like American Idol, The Bachelor, and Americas Next Top Model.
The delight of pageants is their banality. It is delicious mindless entertainment, much like the Academy Awards, a program that itself has suffered a ratings decline. But do you ever think a network will refuse to air the Oscars? No matter what depth the Academy Award ratings descend to, they will always be on a major network, reflecting Hollywood's overwhelming self-importance.
The lure of the show, is that for every Miss America there are 51 losers. There is a secret delight watching princesses suffer through defeat. The hit reality show The Bachelor is a popular for the same reason. Both men who were once rejected by beauty queens, and women who had their boyfriends stolen, enjoy this part of the pageant. The only thing lacking from the Miss America show, is interviews with the girls who lost, while they are still wrapped up in the raw emotions of defeat. (Come on girls, work that manicure!)
What happened with the Miss America Pageant, is that it got too politically correct. Feminists, who by their nature oppose such displays of femininity, have made the show unwatchable. These political correcktniks tried to make Miss America represent their own virtues of womanhood, versus the conventional ideal. They tried to emphasize achievement, and scholarship. Subsequently, the girls of Miss America are not the bombshell bimbos of past generations; They are a just little too geeky now; more student council, less cheerleader.
They used to ask mindless questions and the girls would force every answer to emphasize their love of America. Now contestants are required to have a platform as if they are running for office. Once chosen, Miss America and the state title holders use their stature to address community service organizations, business and civic leaders, the media and others about their platform issues." For instance, the 2005 Miss America, Deidre Downs, plans to cure childhood cancer.
Also, the talent portion of the show now counts too highly against the final score (30% talent vs. only 10% swimsuit) and subsequently, the finalists now have actual talent as well as intelligence, at the expense of attractiveness. Unfortunately, the girls are neither talented enough to be captivating, nor bad enough to be entertaining. Rather than seeing the baton twirling, clumsy tap dancing, or ventriloquist acts, we are now forced to watch girls play piano somewhat well.
When none of the girls had any real talent, beyond their smile, it was better. The most enjoyable portion of the American Idol series is the auditions. It is a sardonic delight to watch people with absolutely no talent try and fake it. (Heck, I've made a career out of that for twenty five years now.)
Not many people realized that the bathing suit portion was trashed up this last year. I think if people would had known that, viewership would have been up marginally. In the past, the pageant tried to PC the swimsuit portion by taking off the spike heels, and putting the girls in one-pieces. It looked absolutely silly to see the girls flapping across the stage in bare feet -- like a high school swim meet. (I guess it would look sillier to see girls at the beach in spike hells, but hey, this is showbiz.) Hence, America lost interest in the swimsuit portion.
Miss America has always been about pulchritude. It was an opportunity for men to look at some pretty young women (although aside from myself, few straight men will ever admit they ever watched it). While the competition has become a wholesome American treasure, it's roots are far more prurient. The first Miss America title was an outgrowth of the Golden Mermaid competition in Atlantic City. The contest was a ploy to get tourists to spend one more weekend on the Beach after Labor Day, by parading half naked women up and down the boardwalk. It was nothing more than a 1920s version of the beachside wet T-shirt contest.
The pageant has never been without scandal, even in the early years. From their website: "Despite the best efforts of the pageant officials, the pageant gained a reputation for being a little risqué. Annual protests from women's and religious groups questioned the morality of a beauty contest that featured bobbed hair and bare limbs. In 1928, the protesters won, and the pageant was discontinued as commercial supporters withdrew in response to accusations that the pageant lacked decorum. "
The pageant did not go back to it's regular schedule again until 1935.
In modern times, many people think Vanessa Williams was the first woman to disgrace the tittle. She forfeited the crown, after naked photos of her surfaced. But at least twice in the early days of the pageant, winners were disgraced for having posed nude for sculptors. (Henrietta Leaver, Fay Lanphier)
In 1968, Forty years after the first organized protest, the women's liberation movement picketed the pageant. No longer a target of puritan women, it was now protested for it's objectification of the gender and the message it sent to young girls. I believe these protests were responsible for the disastrous direction the pageant took. By trying to appease radical feminists, the Pageantocracy made it unwatchable for the rest of us, and still never satisfied the feminists. I feel, since they are never going to appeal to the feminists, they shouldn't even bother.
Perhaps the women's rights pioneers got the whole thing wrong. It is quite possible that Miss America was never really put on a pedestal for all to admire. I believe that most people watched the show for it's inherent humor; there is great satisfaction knowing that beautiful women are still human and fallible. It is healthy to see goddesses embarrass themselves answering questions above their intelligence level, or dropping a baton, and putting heel marks on 51 other girls on their way to the tiara. Perhaps it will take someone like Donald Trump to give the pageant back to the people who once enjoyed it.

Hail Alanis

Canadian songstress Alanis Morrisette raised her right hand, pledged allegiance to the United States Constitution, and became one of this country's newest immigrants. Alanis is best known for her 1995 album, Little Jagged Pill, a compilation of songs rife with 20 year old femin-angst.
The album contained the hit song Ironic. This song became quite famous in literary circles because nothing in the song actually fit the dictionary definition of "Irony." Most of the song, could be more aptly labeled as "poetic justice" with statements like " a black fly in your chardonnay". In fact in 2002, the American Heritage Collegiate Dictionary added the word "Irony" to their list of 100 Words Every High School Graduate Should Know, in an attempt to protect the integrity of the word. They were aware that Morisette's misuse had influenced children now entering college. In her defense, Alanis later said that she knew that none of the examples were truly ironic, and that was the irony of the song.
During the last election there were a lot of threats made throughout the entertainment industry that celebrities would move to Canada if George Bush was elected. It is strange that these threats were made. In truth, the direction most emigrating celebrities take, is into America from Canada. Comics Jim Carrey and Mike Myers, band leader Paul Shaffer, Super bimbo Pamela Anderson, former Starship Commander William Shatner, and news reader Peter Jennings are all living here now. Meanwhile, Canada-phile Michael Moore still lives in the United States, despite his longing for Canadian style health care and gun control (as well as bacon and doughnuts). The most probable reason for these migration patterns, is the much higher rate of taxation in Canada on people with sizable incomes. What many of them don't understand, is that abhorrence for taxation, is only one facet of the independent and individualist nature that makes America so desirable. It is impossible to shape America into something a little more Canadian, without destroying what makes it unique and preferable. After the election, not a single Democrat American Celebrity defected to Canada. And one Canadian actually came into the country.
Alanis campaigned heavily for the Democrats as part of MTVs "Rock the Vote" tour. There were never any threats of what Alanis might do were Bush elected, however moving out of Canada was never considered by any of her fans. At the Juno Awards for Canadian Music in Edmonton, April 4, 2004, Alanis appeared in a fake nude body suit, and said, "As you may or may not be aware, recently in the United States, I ran into a little problem with regards to a lyric in one my songs, It was requested that I change a word in the first verse. Well, I am overjoyed to be back in my homeland, the true north... strong and censorfree."
I hope Alanis has finally figured out what "Irony" really is, because it would be a shame for one so delicious to be lost on her.

Grieving Democrats III

Earlier in this thread, I suggested that the Democrats were going through the five stages of grief. A similar article, just written by a colleague, reminded me that I never wrapped up my scenario. Part of the reason for that, was the next two stages were unbearably ugly.
Democrats started going through the bargaining stage on election day. The election night party I attended, was graced by few Democrats. I'm pretty sure most Democrats spent that night at home, in front of their televisions, on their knees, pleading with God, to let Ohio fall to Kerry.
I don't think there were many of us that didn't see the depression stage. If you have any Democrat friends, I'm certain you saw it too. On the day after, they were numb. Walking zombies. For at least a week or two. I felt so sorry for them, that I actually refrained from gloating. (Yes, I did post a little gloaty piece here, but I actually wrote that the week before the election.)
Now they're supposed to be moving into acceptance. But I don't see that at all. Quite the contrary, Democrats are moving back into denial. The latest tack from Democrats is, that Bush didn't really win; he stole the election. Not only did he steal it, but he covered his path so cleverly, that there is no way to prove it. Now I've fallen prey to a few conspiracy theories in the past, but this is preposterous.
This past election, was probably the most carefully observed in history, because of the urban myth that the 2000 election was stolen. If John Kerry had a shred of evidence that something went wrong in Ohio, he would have filed a lawsuit. This whole accusation is really just a lot of Democrats, refusing to accept reality, and starting the grieving process all over again.

Post Election Analysis

It's another big victory for the GOP. More Legislative and Senate seats, one more governor, and we all know the big news. I would like to offer a note of condolence to the Democrats. I remember how hard it was to concede a victory to Bill Clinton back in 1992, and I assure you all, that I sincerely feel your pain. Just so that you won't ever have to experience this sort of suffering again, I thought I might offer a hand across the aisle, and help you with rebuilding for 2008. As I see it, your political model is fatally flawed, and unless you are willing to recognize those flaws, you will only slip further behind. Following are five truths that none of you want to accept, but must, if you ever hope to regain power:

1) Socialism is dead

This is probably the biggest problem with your party. The Socialist experiments of the last century have failed miserably, and we are in a new era. The philosophies of Karl Marx led to war and poverty, death and despair. Americans are aware of this, and will fight against it. The tighter you hold to the idea of a workable socialism, the farther you will fall from the mainstream. Recasting socialism in a nebulous "third way" will do nothing to save it. It's over. Move on.

2) Rush Limbaugh and Fox are valid news outlets

This is probably your biggest miscalculation. If you were ever to tune in, you might be shocked how mainstream these broadcasts really are. You would also learn that their facts are remarkably straight, and they cover stories the other news outlets ignore. Perhaps they lean right, but the major networks lean left. If you rely on traditional news sources, you are only getting half the news. The results of this election were not a surprise to those of us who listen to both sides of the arguments. Instead of judging these shows by yourself on their own merits, you rely on people like Al Franken to analyze them for you. These people have a huge stake in misrepresenting the other side, so they do it lasciviously. They have convinced you that the other side is rife with lies and propaganda, and it's not. The breeches of journalistic ethos came from the left wing media this past election.

3) You no longer represent the Majority

Which is strange, since the name "Democrat" suggests a commitment to following the whim of the majority. The biggest complaint in 2000, was that Al Gore should be President because he was the choice of the majority. The majority of Americans don't think homosexuals should be married. They believe guns ownership is a right, and that there should be some restrictions on abortion. Americans almost unanimously think they pay too much in taxes. By not representing the majority on these and other issues, you are forcing yourself into a corner that you cannot talk your way out of. What you bemoan as an inability to get your message out, is actually an inability to convince Americans that issues they disagree with, are actually in their best interest.

4) Leftists have hijacked your Major Movements

Feminism, Civil Rights and Environmentalism are now controlled by leftists. Leaders of these movements are more concerned now with moving the country leftward, than with answering the concerns of these movements. Environmental leaders fight for a "living wage," which has nothing to do with improving the environment. Feminist leaders care more about population control than women, and they supported Bill Clinton over the women who accused him of impropriety. Civil Rights Leaders completely ignore the strong majority support within the Black community for school choice.

5) The issues you fight for, are no longer problems

America is better than ever before, and your policies target problems that no longer exist. More Blacks are now members of the middle and upper classes. Even the poorest Americans have things like color televisions, air conditioning, cars and computers; things most of the world calls "luxuries." Our air and water quality is possibly the best anywhere. The economy is the envy of the world; it has recovered from a slight recession, and is pushing the stock market into uncharted territory. As a nation, we abhor race and gender based discrimination. We are all so well fed that obesity is a national crisis, especially among children. Every American has access to some form of health care, and despite its growing cost, and substandard public option, we are all living longer healthier lives. Just like the Rural Electrification Agency still exists years after the rural areas were successfully electrificated, you still cling to the antiquated social programs of yesteryear. By representing America as a place it no longer is, you lose your credibility. Since you have nothing new to offer Americans, your position is subjugated to the voice of the opposition. People prefer solutions over complaints. The adage is: "nobody likes a critic."

Democrats have drifted too far out of the mainstream. I'm truly saddened by that. They have many good ideas. The name Liberal shares a Latin root with Liberty. "Liberal" is what people, who think like I do, used to call themselves when this Nation was founded. If that word were not stolen by the social architects of the last century, I would still use it to define myself politically today. If they can shake off the parasites of socialism, Democrats might actually have a chance of reclaiming the majority. If they do not, they are destined to become relics; nothing more than historical curiosities, like the rubble that once constituted the Berlin Wall.

Hurricane Aftermath

I was in Florida a week ago, for the annual Slagle surfing retreat. I still haven't got the hang of the sport, but I delight in trying. I finally figured out why I'm no good at it too. Once a wave is caught, you have to stand up immediately. This is a problem. When I'm on the couch, and decide to stand up, it usually takes me at least two or three commercials before I'm vertical. Even then, straightening up takes a long time, accompanied with a lot of grunting.

Things were a little different around the surf break. Because of the recent hurricanes, it was declared a disaster area. Several hotels closed and aren't reopening until December. The Hilton parking lot was full of container-size dumpsters. I couldn't imagine how much damage was inside the hotel, that could generate that amount of trash. It was curious, since the little motel where I usually stay, just had a lot of sand kicked up, and a few ceiling tiles missing from under the picnic gazebo.

I also learned more about the Federal Emergency Management Administration while I was down there. A benefit I did not know existed, is something called, "Disaster Unemployment." This is a check you get, if you have been let off work because you're workplace is damaged from a declared disaster. (Of course, I wonder now if workers for the Kerry Campaign will be eligible for disaster benefits in a week.)

One night, I was talking to a bartender who had been receiving it. The bar had just reopened, and this was the first week she worked since early September. "You have to be looking for work to get it, but they never check," she said. "I actually got two job offers while I was off, but what sense does it make to start another job when I knew this place was going to reopen?"

An unemployed Hilton worked sitting at the bar joined into the conversation. " It's not just hurricane damage, we're going through a complete rehab right now too."

Hmmm. I wonder if any of the items that Mr. Hilton claims on his FEMA report were going to be replaced anyway? What a great way to upgrade all your mattresses cheap. It's also very nice that the Hotel won't have to pay any unemployment during the rehab. Such a nice coincidence this didn't occur during the busy season.

As for me, I was disappointed in the week for a number of reasons. I usually have the surf break all to myself while everybody else is at work. I can splash around in the waves all day, without ever having to worry that I might get in the way of the serious surfers. For those of you who might be unfamiliar with surf etiquette: imagine making snow angels in the middle of a ski run. It's much easier when there's not as many people skiing. You also have a lot less chance of getting punched out.

Well this week, the surf was unbelievably crowded all day long. Perhaps the reason for the crowds was the unusually good surfing conditions. But I lean towards another unsubstantiated speculation: the surfers were all blessed with more free time since their jobs were all on hiatus.

The other fly in the suntan oil: the Motel rates were considerably higher than I've been used to in previous years. Because October is the off-season, rooms are usually dirt cheap. Since construction and utility workers from all over the country have descended on Florida for the rebuilding, rooms were scarce. Meanwhile FEMA picks up hotel bills for out of state disaster workers, and FEMA is willing to pay top rack rate. The scarcity combined with FEMA's ability to pay the big cash, insured there were no discounts.

Perhaps the workers that were all being shipped in from around the country, had skills that these surfers did not have. But isn't it a wonderful system we have, that pays able-bodied kids to surf, and gives out of state workers free beach vacations?

Grieving Democrats II

Two men in Akron are captured on videotape destroying a Bush/Cheney sign, then relieving themselves on it.

In three Florida cities, and in Minneapolis, Republican headquarters were ransacked by a mobs of angry protesters. In one case a broken arm was reported

In Tennessee, and West Virginia shots were fired into GOP offices.

In Spokane a hole was punched through a wall, from a room where Union laborers were working, into GOP headquarters and a computer with sensitive information had been moved. Apparently a thwarted robbery. In Bellvue Washington, efforts were more successful, as a hard drive containing GOP databases was stolen. Where are today's Woodward and Bernstein to investigate these break-ins?

Well it looks like the Democrat Party has moved into the second stage of grief: anger. All over the country, people seem to be realizing that Bush is going to win again this year, and are acting out.

In Madison Wisconsin, bleach swastikas were burned into lawns around Bush/Cheney signs. Rather than make as statement about the GOP ticket, I feel that those vandals were unintentionally expressing their own leanings, as I've always found the American Left much closer to holding the political mindset the swastika once represented. Fascists were notorious for using violence to intimidate political opposition.

The next stage of grief is bargaining. I'm not sure how this will manifest itself into the political discourse. I fully expect my Liberal comedian friends to start rehashing the old chestnut: "As a comedian, I'm looking forward to another four years of Bush Cheney," the implication of course is, that it's far easier to write comedy with Republicans in office. I've started to see groups of people hanging out on street corners with Kerry/ Edwards signs, desparately trying to generate enthusiasm. Could this plea for votes be a form of bargaining?

The Elizabeth Kubler-Ross version of the bargaining phase, is when the aggrieved makes a deal with god, in hope of resuscitating the deceased. I can't really imagine millions of Leftists getting down on their knees, and promising god that in return for a Kerry upset, they will stop pretending to be atheists at the cocktail parties.

Riding on the City of Minot

I had the pleasure to work Minot last weekend. Minot North Dakota is known as "the Magic City" for after being selected as a junction for the Great Northern Railroad and the Soo Line, the city appeared overnight. It is still a popular stop along the Amtrak route for railroad personnel, because it is about sixteen hours out of Chicago, and there is about a twelve hour layover before the returning train comes into the station. That way, rail employees can work a double, sleep, and work another double on the way home to Chicago.

Airlines, companies that are not wholly subsidized and regulated by the federal government, companies that are committed to customer service, have hubs in cities that people like to visit, like Orlando and Las Vegas. Since Amtrak schedules are the result of pork barrel politics, the trains hub out of places like Minot North Dakota. There is also an Air Force Base there, so federal pork is obviously a favorite local dish.

Minot is a typical prairie town, with a population of 37,000 and is situated just 68 miles south of where Saskatchewan meets Manitoba. There is little to do there that doesn't involve drinking, especially for the men and women stationed at the Minot Air Force Base, so the big hotel in town brings in a couple comedians every week. This weekend, I worked with the lovely and talented Christina Irene. And an old friend, Bengt Washburn, who was performing at Minot State University that evening, stopped by for a cocktail after the show.

I love to do the gig because it's a gas taking the train. In no other form of transportation can you drink in a real bar, as the prairie speeds by your window. If you squint real hard, you can almost see Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint having dinner together.

So I get into Minot, and the North Dakota Library Association is having their annual convention right there a t the hotel where I'm playing. You couldn't pick a town more perfect than Minot, for a whole bunch of out of town Librarians to let their hair down, and get crazy.

After my show, a Canadian librarian from Cape Breton Nova Scotia came over to say "hi". I haven't gotten into a fight with an honest-to-god admitted socialist in quite some time. It was delightful. She was a woman of average height, and average build, and average looks. Every thing about her was incredibly average. She didn't wear make-up, to hide the constellation of freckles, but she looked like she spent great periods of time brushing her red hair repeatedly. I'm sure she believed that her longing to be pretty was just a residual imprint from growing up in a paternalistic society, where aesthetics are the sole measure of a woman's worth.

She told me that Canadian Healthcare is the envy of the world.

I said that it was inferior to the United States and she scoffed. I mentioned the high mortality rate in Quebec hospitals from a virulent form of diarrhea. Some Quebec hospitals cram forty patients at a time into a ward with one toilet, aggravating the infection rate. The bacteria responsible, C. Difficile, can be cured with a simple but expensive antibiotic. Unfortunately, because of the cost, budget conscious Canadian Health Officials use the medication sparingly, exacerbating the problem. She told me I shouldn't be trying to use made up facts with a librarian, because a librarian can easily prove me wrong. (Skeptical readers can verify my story here.)

I should add that there is no other health option in Canada. Single Payer means that everybody shares the same level of Healthcare. Places like the US and UK you have the ability to pay a little extra to opt out of a public hospital, or get into a private room. But if you live in Canada, and are admitted into a ward sharing a bathroom with forty other patients dying of screaming diarrhea, that's where you stay. Happy recovery!

I tried to explain to her that I have better health care, and pay less than she does. Here in the United States, taxes are far more reasonable, and I would speculate that she pays more in taxes than I do for health insurance. She admitted that the area where she lives has an eighteen percent sales tax, but it's worth it cause the health care is free. (Or at least appears that way).

I asked her, "If Canada is such a great place to live, why do people kill themselves so much? (This is one of my favorite statistics I found in researching my American Legislative Exchange Council article, "Is Europe Really Better?"). I mentioned that Canadians kill themselves at a rate 50% more than the US average, and in fact, a Canadian is twice as likely to take his own life as an American is to die from gun violence.

At this point she flipped. How dare I try to pull off such a deception on a LIBRARIAN? Then, she started complaining about America's fascination with guns, and told me that "In Canada, we don't have guns, so we don't have gun violence."

I said, "yeah, besides socialized medicine, you have something else in Canada that we don't have. Something that's quite popular in Canada, called 'home invasions'."

Bengt and Christina, who were half listening up until this point, turned to her and asked "What's a home invasion?"

For those of you who might not be aware of some of the more charming Canadian customs, home invasions are when a burglar waits until someone is home before breaking in. Rather than stumbling around in an empty house, Canadian burglars wait until you come home, so there's some company. It's always more fun to have someone there to smack around, and it's much easier to locate all the hidden valuables. Why go rooting around a dark house when all you have to do is threaten to rape and kill someone's wife and kids? With a little help from the homeowner, those valuables always turn up tut suite.

She admitted that yes, it was quite prevalent throughout the Canadian Provinces, but didn't see the connection between gun ownership and home invasions. "You don't have home invasions here?" she asked. " I don't believe that."

I cited Bengt and Christina's ignorance of the practice as proof of it's rarity in America. Even criminals aren't dumb enough to break into a house when a gun owner might be home.

She said, " I can't believe you keep trying to pass off all these lies on me. There is an Ultra High Speed Internet station set up in the NDLA exhibit hall. I'm going to go online tomorrow and bring you all the actual statistics for all the crazy things you've been saying. You shouldn't try to mess with a librarian.

I never saw her again.

Grieving Democrats

According to the late Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the five stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I couldn't help reminding myself of this, over the past few months.

Bitter sports rivalries start on the close games. A seven game World Series, that ends in the bottom of the fourteenth inning because of an error will start a rivalry between those teams that will last a generation or two. The winning fans will claim victory, and cherish any opportunity to prove that the better team really did win, despite the close last game. The losers will say the pennant was stolen from them, and cite all the bad calls made by umpires throughout the series, and will eagerly await a rematch to prove their superiority.

The same kind of rivalry can occur when a Presidential Election is decided by 500 votes. The 2000 election was an extra inning heartbreaker for Democrats, and they have been commiserating ever since.The 2004 rematch has been eagerly awaited, and they fell victim to this eagerness,when they selected John Kerry as their candidate. Of course, Kerry was never really the candidate, rather, he was the opposition.

Kerry's support is entirely anti-Bush, and the anti Bush vote has been polling at least a solid forty percent for the last four years. Kerry has no ability to charm anybody already committed to Bush, and his ability to win over the undecided is just as dubious.

I never saw John Kerry as formidable. With a rigidity that would make Al Gore appear like Gumby in comparison, and a facelike Fred Gwynne he just seemed an implausible candidate. His speaking style reminds me of a bad JFK impression. His wife seems cold enough to give Hillary the shivers.

The Democrats were in such a hurry to select someone(anyone) to run against Bush that they hired Kerry based on his resume, and never bothered to really interview him. They thought they were getting a War Hero, instead they got a guy who did everything short of wearing a dress and claming section eight to get out of Viet Nam. They thought they were getting an independently wealthy Senator with unlimited resources to run a campaign, instead they got a gigolo on an allowance.

In the run-up to the GOP convention, all my Democrat friends were so certain that Kerry was going to win, it was unnatural. It's not like he did that well coming out of their nominating convention. I couldn't understand why there was such certainty that Kerry was going to win, it seemed preposterous.

That's when I remembered the first stage of grief: Denial. When someone experiences a tragic loss they go into shock, and pretend it never happened. Someone who lost a parent, might go so far as to bring an extra hamburger home for the deceased. Democrats have been collectively going through the first stage of grief, denying that they are going to wait at least another four years before returning to the White House.

The next stage of Grief is Anger.Perhaps that was reflected by the protesters surrounding the GOP convention.I've already seen pictures of a red faced Al Franken, and heard tape of Hillary Clinton and Al Gore screaming. This is going to be fun to watch.