Holy Windmills

You shouldn't drive an SUV. It would be better if you took a train. A Bicycle would be even better. Of course, not everyone can ride a Bicycle to work, Some people need private jets. That's because, they are more important than you.
Whereas you should feel guilty for driving a safe comfortable SUV, Barbra Streisand is going to maneuver an entire regiment of planes trucks and busses around the country for her recently announced national tour. It should be called her "Irony" tour, since one purpose of the show, will be contributing to the dialog on Global Warming:
Ms. Streisand notes, “The increasingly urgent need for private citizen support to combat dangerous climate change, along with education and health issues was the prime reason I decided to tour again. This will allow me to direct funds and awareness to causes that I care deeply about.”
There is much pressure on environmental celebrities like Barbra to explain their lavish use of private jets. But she is not alone. As I noted in my previous post, Laurie David, Robert Kennedy Junior, and Arianna Huffington, all use their private jets, to help them tell the common people, how we burn too much petroleum. Recently, suspected presidential candidate, Al Gore flew all the way to France, to promote his new movie, about the earth being destroyed, by people traveling so much.
Someone should tell Al that he doesn't need to fly around the world anymore. We have this great invention, called the Internet. (I wonder if he's heard about it?) For about fifty bucks, you can buy a camera, that you just plug in, and then make virtual appearances anywhere, using only a fraction of the energy it takes to warm up a jet.
And I don't know how his trips are considered promotional. So far the film has only grossed around six and a half million dollars. A friend in the private jet industry, tells me that a trip to France costs around $150,000. Just a dozen "promotional" flights would eat up more than 25% of the gross. It should be obvious that Gore is actually campaigning, and has found a way to do it, far away from FEC oversight.
Even though he seems to be ignoring the criticism, recent developments would indicate that the message is coming through loud and clear. According to Variety, Paramount Classics, distributor of his film "An Inconvenient Truth," recently announced that Al only flies commercial on all promotional trips. (I doubt this is true; will any traveler out there who actually sees Al get on their plane drop me an eMail?) Furthermore, Gore is getting an estimate on the film's carbon footprint, so he can offset the energy he's been squandering, and can claim his "promotional" tours are Carbon-Neutral.
He plans to buy the energy offsets from Native Energy. This is an organization of Amercan Indians that plans to build renewable energy facilities someday. They have estimated the cost of those projects, and the amount of energy the projects should produce, and they are pre-selling that energy. Since the renewable energy, could offset future need for carbon dependent energy, Native Energy claims that any money sent to them, is keeping carbon out of the atmosphere. If you pre-purchase as much energy as you are using, you too can claim to be Carbon Neutral, despite the fact that you are belching tons of CO2 into the atmosphere on your way to France.
What exactly is Native energy selling? They've only put up two small windmills so far, so they're not really providing much carbon substitution. Essentially, they are selling forgiveness for using energy. Environmentalists believe that Indians are closer to the earth, so in a way, Al Gore is asking a shaman to talk to the Great Spirit, find out how much he has damaged the Earth, and invoice him.
The Catholics have a word for this, it's called a "Plenary Indulgence." Back in the Middle Ages, there was great concern about the sins being committed by the Crusaders, trying to win back the Holy Land for Christendom. People questioned whether the Crusaders could still get into Heaven, despite the very un-Christian activities required for such a war. In 1099, Pope Urban II came up with a neat idea, the Plenary Indulgence.
The Plenary Indulgence was essentially a "Get-Out-of-Hell-Free Card. An eternal Pardon. No matter what an evil person you were here on earth, the Pope was able to put in a good word for you with Saint Peter. After the noble crusader met his demise, the velvet rope would be pulled back, and he would walk straight through the gates.
Sinners everywhere became interested in getting into Heaven from the back door. Not only was the Indulgence great for soldiers sinning on the battlefield, it was also used as a recruiting tool. Much like the college tuition benefits enjoyed by military personnel today, are enticement to enlist; evil people could get their slates wiped clean, by doing a tour in the Middle East. Eventually the popularity of Indulgences far outstripped the Pope's ability to grant them, so laws of supply and demand came into effect. Indulgences were later only granted to those who contributed to the church. The word, Charlatan, originally referred to a vendor of Indulgences.
By the time of the Protestant Reformation, the selling of Indulgences had become common, and was seen by some of the Reformers as one of the worst abuses of Catholicism. The practice was suspended, but not before the Church was able to amass great fortunes from the faithful.
As more and more "important" people Like Barbra Streisand crusade against Global Warming, the demand for Carbon-Neutralization Indulgences should take off like a well fueled Gulfstream jet. If the gilded palaces of the Vatican are any indication, the selling of indulgences by Native Energy should be quite a lucrative business.