I Quit

I'm on the wrong side.

After one year with Jerry's Kidders, we were on the top of the the ratings. No show on AM was doing better than Jerry Agar. The other kidders and I were in negotiations with Hyundai to perform at the Chicago Auto Show, and we were excitedly planning our first year anniversary event.

At which point, the station decided to switch hosts. The nine to eleven weekday slot that Jerry owned for the past couple years was given to a different host, one that had been trying to squeeze into the WLS lineup for a number of years. Consequently, Jerry's Kidders were shown the door as well.

Starting Monday Morning, October 27th the 9-11 slot on 890 WLS will be replaced by Erich "Mancow" Muller. It was a great run, and I thank all of you who were in the audience. I also want to thank Jerry, Maura, Dobie, and Ken; for making my year as a radio star a delightful experience I shan't soon forget.

For those of you who are into Nostalgia, podcasts of most 2008 shows are still available for download off the WLS bandwith, although I fully expect them to be deleted soon.

Meanwhile up in Minnesota, failed talk show host Al Franken looks like he is about to win the Senate. So that's where we are. A failed Talk Show host on the left gets elected to the Senate, while a successful right leaning host gets the door.

I think I'm switching sides. I thought that inalienable rights and individual responsibility were noble goals, but it looks as though I was wrong. I'm tired of being shown the door. I want to be on the money making side.

Global Warming is a real crisis, the rich don't pay enough taxes, and America needs a Universal Health plan. That wasn't so bad.

Pardon me while I go wash out my mouth.

Did I Get Ripped Off Here? Part 2

Last Halloween, I found this political cartoon which seemed vaguely reminiscent of my very famous Halloween Tax bit. But circulating this year, is an OLDER cartoon that seems even more like a rip off.





For those of you who might be a little memory deficient, here is the tax bit in question:



Incidentally a lot of people were bugging me about how that contest ended up. Well, I finished in the top twenty, but according to the website, I came in THIRD! I just didn't pass muster with the Judges, who awarded the big prize, to the fourth place contestant. If they run another contest this year, I intend to give it another try.

Stay tuned!

September 11 Conspiracies

I've heard that when a family that suffers a great loss at Christmas time, that the joy of the season is lost on them forever. When the decorations and lights start appearing in stores, they feel a sense of impending dread in the pit of their stomaches. I feel much the same way about these early days of fall, when the crystal blue skies, and cool dewey grass, reminds me of that picture perfect September morning in New York, seven years ago today.

Full post on the WLS-AM website

Roasting Obama

Here's a great video news story, from the segment on the Barack Obama Show we did on WLS.

Barack-No-Phobia: The Podcast

Were you listening? It was one of the funniest radio shows of this political season, and if you weren't tuning in, you haven't missed the boat.

Myself and three other comics spent an hour trading Barack Obama jokes, on WLS 890 AM. It was a grand success. Reviews have been great, and I think it contained some of the funniest Obama jokes to date. Did you miss it? It's not too late, Thanks to the miracle of the Internet, you can now download FREE podcasts of the show:

Part One


Part Two

I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed performing; and I wish you all a very exciting and victorious Presidential Election.

Barack-No-Phobia

After eight long years of listening to "George Bush Is So Stupid" jokes, I think it's time for change; not just in the White House but in the Comedy House as well. According to a recent article in the New York Times, there is nothing funny about Barack Obama. Apparently all the late night, and comedy news show hosts are lax to make jokes about the Democrat nominee for President. Well that doesn't sit too well with me.

So myself and three other comics have decided to buck the trend, and spend an hour trading Barack Obama jokes, on WLS 890 AM. We're calling it Barack-No-Phobia: No Kidding Aside. We expect to ruffle a feather or two with this one

In fact it already is getting noticed. Robert Feder of the Chicago Sun-Times gave us a mention. As did NTS Aircheck.

WMAQ NBC5 Chicago has already decided to cover the story, and they're bringing in the cameras into the studio.


The action starts on Monday Morning at 10 AM Central. And if you're not in the listening area, you can Listen Live on the Internet.

Shrinky Dinks

Well it just stands to reason. If you smoke too much pot, you'll probably be high all the time, and act stupid.

But it turns out that new study indicates there might be physical evidence of actual brain shrinking. Over at Jerry Agar's Blog I weigh the evidence.

Fat Chance

So NOW what's threatening the planet?

I don't think you're going to believe THIS one. Over on Jerry Agar's Blog

An Insincere Challenge

I ran across this video clip recently. The author claims that he has a argument that "even the most hardened skeptic and the most panicked activist both can agree on."

He also said the he's putting it out there, to check if his" reasoning is dellusional. Because frankly, no one [he's] shown it to so far, has been able to poke a hole in it."

But there's nothing I adore more than a challenge






Really? If it is so airtight, then why are the comments over at YouTube closed? Why is it impossible to post a video response to his argument? Apparently, like Al Gore, the Debate is Over before it even started. It is really easy to win a debate when you shut out the opposition

Here's a couple holes I found: First, he's exaggerating trmendously. I think he said it best himself, when describing a post-climate-changed world, he said "This is a world straight out of Science Fiction."

I couldn't agree more. Because the scenario he mentioned IS fiction. As a mater of fact it seemed to resemble some science fiction thrillers like the Day after Tomorrow , and An Inconvenient Truth , much more than actual science. He not only said that Global warming would cause more storms, he invoked Katrina. The truth is, no reputable Scientist is claiming that Global Warming will cause storms.

According to Kevin Trenberth, a lead author for the IPCC:

Despite this enhanced activity, there is no sound theoretical basis for drawing any conclusions about how anthropogenic climate change affects hurricane numbers or tracks, and thus how many hit land.

In fairness Kevin did say that there is a possible link to Hurricane Intensity and Global Warming. This is because his paper was published in 2005, right after Kerry Emanuel, published a paper finding a link. But that was three years ago.

Today Dr. Emanuel realizes he was completely wrong:

The hurricane expert, Kerry Emanuel ... suggests that, even in a dramatically warming world, hurricane frequency and intensity may not substantially rise during the next two centuries.

Finally, from the latest report of the IPCC:

There is insufficient evidence to determine whether trends exist in the meridional overturning circulation (MOC) of the global ocean or in small-scale phenomena such as tornadoes, hail, lightning and dust-storms.

So it seems that we don't have to worry about SUVs starting storms.

But my biggest concern, is that if we take action to curb Co2 emissions, it causes a worldwide Depression. He brings this up and suggests that the trade off would be worth the risk. But what if the actions we take, have no effect on CO2. In that case we're stuck with a warmer world AND a Depression.

There is no evidence, scientific or historic, that treaties, taxes, or carbon caps have any effect on the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere. Look at what's happening to Food Prices right now, because we tried to substitute Ethanol for Petroleum. There are actually food riots going on worldwide, and there has been no measurable reduction of atmospheric CO2.

Finally he claims that the only downside of an Economic Depression is the actual Depression, whereas Global Warming will cause Political Breakdown, Social Upheaval, Wars, Environmental Destruction, and Health Consequences. But all those things usually happen during a Depression as well.

The last Depression caused every one of those things to occur. So here's the real choice: Do we want a World Wide Depressoion for no reason, or do we want to have a good economy, in case we will need to fund relief efforts from a Global Warming catastrophe.

I think THAT answer is obvious.

More Hype

So what's the latest threat to humanity that Scientists are linking to Global Warming? Over on Jerry Agar's Blog I take a big chomp out of the latest ridiculous claim.

"Apparently, referring to Global Warming is the scientific equivalent of getting out of a limousine with a skirt and no underwear."

Panic Sale

Rationing rice? Is there a crisis? Not since World War II, has anything of the sort been seen in this Nation.

Over at Jerry Agar's blog my latest entry explores the recent trend, of Americna Retail Outlets rationing rice purchases.

Are They Buzzed?

A recent article suggests that close to 60% of all scientists take non-medical drugs during work. Perhaps that's why it seems that everything coming out of the labs these days is dark and ominous. My latest post over at the WLS blog investigates the latest Apocalyptic prediction from our friends in the scientific community.

Guns

As we approach a couple of dark anniversaries in American History the most unlikely candidate has come out in favor of sportsmen's rights.

Check out my Latest Post Over on the WLS blog.

Unexpected Heath Risks

Well who would have thought, that Smoking bans kill more people than Second Hand Smoke. But a recent study from the University of Wisconsin, indicates that it could be very likely.

I put another post over at Jerry Agar's Blog on the WLS website. Sometimes it's better to leave well enough alone.

New Health Hazard

Those who have been following my intermittent threads, know that Second Hand Smoke Legislation is one of my major peeves. The risk from exposure is so minor that only the most paranoid should concern themselves.

In previous posts, I mentioned that the health risk from working in a smoky bar is less than the health risk from, a couple bags of microwave pop corn, or a can of pop every day.

In an Editorial for Jerry Agar's Blog over on the WLS website, I explore a new threat that needs to be banned from all workplaces:

Cell phones!

Vote for Me!

Update: April 1, 2008: The contest is now over and I made it as far as the finals, thanks to all your persistant voting. I won a nifty camcorder, that really belongs to all of you, along with my parents my distributor, my manager, god, and my country.

The final round was decided by a panel of judges, who did not think my video was funny enough to rank in the top three. I respectfully disagree, however there is no appeals process. (If you're curious, you can still follow the link, and check out the actual winners )

Thank you all for your support!


I've entered a contest for the funniest tax routine, and you can help me win. Please vote for this as the funniest tax routine EVER.




All you need to do:

1) go to:

http://www.youtube.com/turbotax

2) Click on the "vote" tab (under Jay's left shoulder)

3) search for "Slagle" (the search bar is located under the video player)

4) Click on the TimSlagle video

5) When the video starts playing click the Up Thumb

6) Repeat daily This is a Chicago Style Stuffed Election. You can vote every single day between now and March 25th


Now go out there and vote.

Remember, this is a Chicago Style Stuffed Election. You can vote every single day between now and March 25th.

Canary in a Coal Mine

My blood ran cold. Last night, I went out to pull the last vegetables out of the garden before the impending freeze. Working in the twilight, I frantically tried to finish before the rapidly approaching darkness. With the leaves rustling around me, and as long shadows disappeared into blackness, it was very easy to imagine being surrounded by spirits and witches, still around from Halloween. That’s when my hand clasped this cold wet hideous mutant and actually stopped my heart for a second...




Now I know it’s just a green pepper, but in the Middle ages, the appearance of a conjoined twin in the garden like this was a sure sign, of a witch practicing her Dark Arts around Towne. In more primitive societies, it was evidence of bad spirits in the village.


Of course, today we have Science, and no longer believe in silly superstition. That’s why I know that this strange pepper is not evidence of Witches or Evil Spirits. I know it most probably happened, because of Global Warming.

Dodgeball Analyzed

After posting my Dodgeball Routine The Great Orac arose from his slumber. He posted it over at his site so all his scientist buddies could hurl a couple rubber balls back at me. I’m resisting the urge to point out how many of them still throw like girls.

So now that the Science has weighed in, the consensus clearly demonstrates, there is absolutely no scientific evidence that I am a comedian. So perhaps I should try and explain my bit as it were a thesis, which is the level so many scientists want to argue with it.

Remember I'm in the Entertainment Business, and if I were to start reading scientific papers every night, I would be completely out of the business. I would be as broke a a scientist without a grant, and as lonely as a game of Dungeons and Dragons. The nature of Comedy requires that I omit some of the fine details to keep the routine light and fast moving.

If I had to turn this routine into a thesis, my premise was not that Global Warming isn’t happening, but that the consensus is insufficient to warrant legislative action. As I have been told on numerous occasions, there is no reason to debate Global Warming; it is already settled. Global Warming is happening, and it is man made. Those who have called me a denier are not only fabricating a straw man, they are also coming dangerously close to violating the rule against invoking Nazis. There is a big difference between denying a historical fact like the Holocaust, and being skeptical about the consequences of a theory.

My first bit compares Al Gore to Pat Robertson, who both have blamed hurricanes on the activities of humans. While most scientists agree that Pat Robertson is being goofy, not many recognize that Al Gore is being goofy as well. There is no scientific agreement that Hurricanes are caused by Homosexuals or Global Warming; so giving one man trophies, while laughing at the other is nothing more than zealous bigotry. It’s like Catholics laughing at Buddhists for praying to a statue.

Next, we move on to the strength of a consensus. By using examples of historic scientific consensus, that turned out to be wrong, I illustrate how meaningless a consensus can be. Orac loves to point this out as a gotcha, since a failure of science in the past is no indication of it’s current veracity. In fact “The Science Has Been Wrong Before” is a well documented fallacy .

Right now, consensus only gives a 90% chance of a anthropomorphic signal in the observed warming to date. In horse racing terms, that translates to 9 to 1. So betting against future Global Warming catastrophes is a long shot for sure, but not improbable. And if I were betting on a horse with roughly those odds, I might point out to a handicapper, that Seabiscuit in his first race at Aqueduct came in at 26 to 1. That is what I did here. I pointed out that betting on the scientists isn’t always a sure thing, and sometimes it pays off to back a long shot.

Proposals for reducing human impact on the climate include higher taxes, and more expensive energy technologies. Which means that the economy will impacted negatively. Already the small increase in energy costs over the past year is slowing growth, and raising food prices. And if, gas at three bucks a gallon, hasn’t decreased the demand, taxes would have to get that price a lot higher before CO2 levels start decreasing. So we know that any solution to the “crisis” is 100% certain to impact our economy negatively. You don’t put forth legislation that is 100% certain to slow the economy for a theory that is only 90% probable. It is a really bad bet.

Next, I point out that much of what Al Gore says, just apocalyptic rhetoric, because only bad things are predicted to come about from Global Warming. The DVD recorder skipped here so a lot of the point I made didn’t get recorded. Certainly there should be some benefits to Global Warming, and in fact there is science to indicate that warmer weather is good for humanity. I like warm weather. Which is why I personally think we should encourage Global Warming.

Rather than taking a balanced look at the possible outcomes of a warmer climate, many just point to the bad. It is impossible for every result of Global Warming to be harmful. Nature doesn’t care if something is good for humanity or bad for humanity. In fact, Nature has done everything in it’s power to try and eliminate humanity from the face of the earth, and in a victory of Evolution, we survived. (Our use of petroluem is one reason we won the fight.) To say petroleum consumption will result in more human suffering is just moralizing. Which isn’t science, it’s religion.

There is such a rush to scare people, that every disaster gets blamed on global warming. This sometimes causes humorous contradictions, and occasionally a completely ridiculous claim. The diapered astronaut being blamed on AGW was a joke of exaggeration. But that doesn’t mean that equally ridiculous claims are not made: The Secretary General of the United Nations actually blamed Global Warming for the genocide in Darfur. With a straight face.

Well then, if there is no certainty that Global Warming is catastrophic, why would anyone insist that we need things like a carbon tax? Here is where I lose most of the scientists (the Dodgeball Routine). I chronicle the dramatic descent of a smart young boy into the perdition of Socialism. I speculate that there is envy and a desire to control within the hearts of some scientists. Not all scientists, just enough to give my argument some weight. I have met many highly educated people who believe a persons wealth should be in proportion to his education. They claim there’s something wrong with this country, when a guy like Bill Gates could drop out of college and become the world’s wealthiest man. These are the people to whom this bit is dedicated.

Often people without money or power, resent those who have it. Socialism attracts people wrought with envy and impotence. And just like alcoholics often find themselves working in a bar, Socialists often find cover within the environmental movement. The regulations and confiscatory taxation often proposed as environmental solutions, are virtually indistinguishable from Socialism.

And I’m not buying that science supported Al Gore claiming 20 feet. If the 20 foot rise is possible, then why did the IPCC settle on 23 inches by 2100? According to the IPCC: ”Larger values cannot be excluded, but understanding of these effects is too limited to assess their likelihood or provide a best estimate or an upper bound for sea level" Which means it "might" go higher, but there is no consensus on when the 20 foot rise would occur, or if it ever will. If you are arguing from the authority of the consensus, you have to go with 23 inches figure. Which is what I did.

When Gore demonstrated the impact on the world, he used a current map of population centers. That indicated he believed that the twenty-foot rise was imminent. Which was a clearly a scare tactic. Populations can move quite a bit over decades, there is no way anyone is going to sit in one spot as the ocean rises over their heads. New Orleans lost half its population after the last deluge, I can’t imagine that many would stick around if it happens again. Perhaps in another 100 years, the French Quarter will be a really cool dive site. The history of the world is full of population migrations, and I don’t think that’s ever going to change, whether we pass Kyoto or not.

Since Most scientists agree that Global Warming doesn’t cause Hurricanes, there is a 10% possibility that they’re wrong (again), some are just responding to envy and a lust for power, and any ocean rise will be small and gradual; the consensus on Global Warming is insufficient to pass any legislation at this time.

Now where’s my Grant money?

11/4: Corrected math error. Odds are actually only 9 to 1 in favor of Global Warming.

Did I Get Ripped Off Here?

Okay, maybe I'm just paranoid, but this cartoon reminds me an AWFUL lot of a bit that I do about Halloween and Taxes.



Not only is it Uncle Sam holding the bowl, I believe those are Payday candy bars in the bowl.

Yeah you say, but the theme is different, it's about Social Security.

Perhaps. But if you look at a newer version of the routine (starts about 5:50 )

Showcase

Add to My Profile | More Videos

You will hear me say " Grandpa is gonna eat all that!" A claim about the true nature of Social Security.

Dodgeball

In honor of America's newest Nobel Prize Recipient:



Here it is.

for those of you who followed the Orac Controversy, and are still here, I've decided to post a video of the bit in question, so readers can decide for themselves whether or not it's funny.