louder than words

Is the Earth over crowded? One of the most popular Leftist Mantras is that there are too many people on the Planet.

Alongside, " Why do I have to pay my student loan back?", "Too many people on the planet," is one of the top five things you are likely to hear a Leftist say. Even though global obesity rates, and increased life spans seem to contradict that idea of an overcrowded, unlivable planet, the Environmentalists continue to circulate the rumor.

Their evidence of overcrowding, is the rate of species extinction. Every modern extinction is automatically blamed on humans, even if the evidence is faint. Depending on who you believe, the earth is losing somewhere between 12 and 200 species every single day. The reality is much more modest. In truth, there have been roughly two extinctions per year in North America over the past 368 years. Only about a hundred of those were warm blooded animals. Another hundred are plants. The vast majority of those species were things like reptiles, insects, and snails, creatures most people don't like very much.

That's why the World Wildlife Fund uses a cuddly Panda for their mascot. Everybody loves the Panda, and if it were to become extinct, it would be greatly missed. (It would also increase the value of any Panda skin rugs you might have lying around the house.) Would anybody be concerned about extinctions, if the WWF used pictures of something like mud turtles? Outside of a handful of herpetologists I doubt that anybody really cares about mud turtles.

I always will choose people over reptiles, I hope that most people agree with me. What would you rather have: lots of people around the Thanksgiving table, or mud turtles? It is natural for any species to prefer the company of their own, versus some strange species they can't even play cards with. If the same decision were offered to the mud turtles, I guarantee that the choice would not be to save the humans. In fact I think that mud turtles wouldn't mind dining on a big pile of recently extincted humans.

Most radical ecologists believe in this weird form of environmental communism where every species works together in a harmony of sacrifice, like in the Lion King cartoon, where the zebras accepted they were put on the planet only to feed the lions. This is silly Marxist anthropomorphising. No other species has ever endeavored to live in harmony with their ecosystem. No animal, outside of Lemmings, ever said, "Gosh, maybe we're surviving just a little too well, we should stop that." Species are engaged a continual territorial battle with each other: the victors win survival, and the losers go extinct.

Extinction is perfectly natural. From the Dinosaurs to the Woolly Mammoths, the history of the earth has been, repeated species extinction. It's just Darwin, survival of the fittest, which at this point, happens to be us. Don't you think, it's good to be on the winning team? It's not Disney, it's war baby; and when it's over, I want to see the flag of the human genome flying over the earth.

Ecologists believe that the Earth has some preordained destiny that doesn't include very many humans. They feel that human population should be kept in check by disease and wild animals, as it was in primitive times. In fact a couple In radical professors have been suggesting that a massive plague would be beneficial to the Planet, and have been fantasizing about it too much for my comfort.

The problem is, many Environmentalists really don't like other people. Given the choice, they would be content living solitary lives, alone with their cats. Myself, I love people, and am always happier with lots of them around. I get lonely if I'm by myself too long; I think that's part of why I got into comedy, so I could meet with a couple hundred people every night.

While there is nothing that any decent individual can do. to alter the arrival of the billion new people, that are expected on the planet within the next decade and a half; there is an opportunity for every concerned citizen of the earth, to reduce the population by one. I really think that anybody who believes there are too many people on the earth has the duty to leave. That's why I'm considering opening a new environmental business dedicated to easing overpopulation called Louder Than Words.

Louder than Words will be a service that every good liberal of conscious can use, to alleviate the hypocrisy associated with overpopulation concerns. For a reasonable price, we will fly you first class to Amsterdam, for an appointment with a doctor who practices legally assisted suicide. For just a few thousand dollars, you can make a valuable contribution for those of us, who would like to stick around. We will even offer a placement service for all the cats you leave behind.

After you pass on to the next world, we will freeze your remains, and fly them to the continent of your choice, where they will be thawed and fed to an endangered species you select; a creature that you think has more right to exist on this planet than yourself

Imagine the joy of an all expenses paid trip to liberal Amsterdam. Settle into the spacious leather seat, and enjoy a complimentary cocktail of your choice, knowing that in just a day or two, you might be pecked by a flock of condors, torn apart by a band of mountain gorillas, or dragged back to the den of a majestic polar bear. You might even make a nice meal for a bale of mud turtles.

In Amsterdam you can spend your final hours under the comforting touch of a fair labor prostitute, or have a couple hits of the bong at one of their world famous coffeehouses, before you sacrifice yourself to the Planet.

So what are you waiting for? Quit your bellyaching, and make a positive motion. It's one small step towards a brighter tomorrow. Actions speak...